Jokes of the Month

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One.  Only ONE!!  And do you know WHY?  Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!  They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!  They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.  And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!  But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!  AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*! LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!  WHY?  BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER TAKES OUT THE RUBBISH!!  IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@! HOUSE!

I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

AND FINALLY……….!

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.
He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here honey, try these on.' So, she did and said 'Well sweetie they're a little too big, I can't wear them'. So I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will'. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So, on his honeymoon Jack takes off his trousers and says to Jill, 'Here babe, try these on'. So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me." So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill takes off her knickers and hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't even get into your knickers." So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your *+*!%$g attitude, you never will".

The Acorn : September Edition