AN ACCOUNT OF CAR 37 AT THE SPOTTED DICK & CUSTARD STAGES, LONGCROSS 2ND SEPTEMBER

Now maybe I’m naïve, but I reckon that our recent trip to Longcross for the Spotted Dick and Custard stages was pretty hectic. It was rally partner Marc Noaro’s and my 3rd rally. I’d been persuading him for some time to join forces and get involved in some motorsport on the right side of the steering wheel, and now here we were, having had just 2 outings in a mildly prepared, basically standard 205 Gti, bought in April after a mad dash to Wales. We are driving alternate events, and although I’ve done some single seater racing in the distant past, the learning curve has still been steep.
This was my turn to drive and we should have known when scrutineering, 3rd rally lucky, went without a hitch, that the day would get worse before it got better. And so it proved on Stage 1. Brand new intermediate tyres, not scrubbed, in damp conditions, equals nil grip, and so a big wooden pallet at the 3rd chicane, 30 seconds in, made a good job of the front right corner. Good start, and now I had a sticking throttle, which stuck occasionally wide open, a bit like our eyes at a place like Longcross. Still, we slithered around and finished the 1st stage, after which Marc liberally applied tank tape to the corner while I worked feverishly to sort the throttle. I really didn’t fancy full chat over the steep ramp, followed by a visit to hospital…
Stage 2, and both of us were a bit worried, as it was raining harder now, and stage 1 hadn’t been a total success (!). The crests were a worry, having not been there before, and not knowing what was the other side…! Then, fortunately only a few hundred metres before the finish, a huge cloud of steam and water erupted from the bonnet. What now?! Apologies to the marshals at the time control for their steam bath…
A quick but oh-so-gentle drive to service (we are the service crew) revealed a top radiator hose with a 4 inch split through it. No spares. We asked another 205 crew if they had a spare to no avail, then I thought about my road car, an old Audi 80, and reckoned the top hose was similar, so asked a very kindly chap called Ray, who was campaigning the same car, and he threw a spare hose at me. A quick cut and fit and we were in business once more.
Stages 3 and 4 were better. The tyres were starting to work, and I started to know where I was going. We were even maxing the bottom of the ramp, although I felt that that sort of compression couldn’t be doing the car any good. Time was to prove me right…
Stage 5 and I was out braking myself, and we couldn’t understand why. The left rear was locking up far too easily, but so were the fronts, but still we were not getting stopped. Most disconcerting, given the  recent memory of Stage 1. Service revealed nothing really wrong except a tiny smear of brake fluid around the right rear calliper union, so out to Stage 6. This time it was worse, giving me very little confidence on the brakes, but occasionally the rear of the car sank halfway through the braking areas. Initially I thought that maybe the suspension had broken but I started to think about it and believed that the right rear brake wasn’t working most of the time, but when it did pulled the back of the car down, and we stopped…
Service this time revealed fluid pouring out of the rear calliper, and a touch with a spanner on the union just broke it straight off! We had been lucky in 5 and 6… Now I really was out of ideas and we thought the rally was over, until our new mate Ray came over and suggested we clamp the hose, and just run with 3 brakes. Good lateral thinking, or, as we’re discovering, rally thinking…Thanks Ray. Still, how do we clamp it and make sure it doesn’t come unclamped? Lockwire? Tried it and not tight enough. Someone tells us we’re 20th  this is worth trying for.10 minutes to Stage 7. I know, a jubilee clip on the folded end of the hose. No clips. Rob one off the road car. 5 minutes to Stage 7. Do the clip up, stand on the pedal, fluid oozing out. Do the bloody clip up really hard. That seems Ok. I’m dead worried about the security of that clip  if it comes off we’ve got no brakes. 3 minutes to Stage 7. Stick the wheel back on. I decide to left-foot the pedal just before each braking area, to make sure it’s still there.
By this time I know what’s caused the problem. The union on that calliper was longer than the other side and stuck out into the line of the inner wheel arch more. Then the compressions at the bottom of the ramp had given the bump-stops such a hard time that the right rear decided to part company, allowing yet more suspension travel. The resulting contact with the inner wing had tweaked the union and fractured it, and very fortunately it was me who finally broke it off with a spanner while the car was stationary in the service area….
We got to Stage 7 with 1 minute to spare, and completed 7 and 8 driving round the brake problem with 3 brakes. We finished 18th of 37-odd finishers, with 30 retirements. As Colin Billings said at the briefing, the place bites! We were both well chuffed to finish at all given that attrition rate, and reasonably up the order too.
A big thank you from both of us for all the work from the organisers and marshals, we’ll be joining you soon, although I don’t envy the poor blighters who had to run the gauntlet to keep rebuilding the chicanes..!
Now we’ve got a lot of work to get the car ready for Marc to drive at Oakington a week after Longcross, so I for one will be glad of a break afterwards, perhaps just in time for the birth of my first child..! I suppose I should be thinking about where my loyalties lie. Now, when are those parts arriving?

Jon Harmer

The Acorn : October Edition