At a recent computer exposition (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating:
If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:  

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the motorway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the engine, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio aerial.

9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. 

At this time there has been no reply from Microsoft.
 

The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire Pit Crew yesterday.  
The announcement was followed by Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British Government's "Work For the Dole" Scheme and hire unemployed youths from Liverpool. The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths in Liverpool were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds.
This was thought to be an excellent yet bold move by Ferrari Management, as most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.
However Ferrari expectations were easily exceeded, as during the Crew’s first practice session; not only were "da boyz from Bootle" able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had resprayed, rebadged and had sold the vehicle over to the McLaren Team for four dozen Stella's and a gram of Charlie.