I was going to write something about the fact that Formula one is poo at the moment, then along came Monaco. Now I’m sure that by the time you read this it will have gone rubbish again, which means that these first few sentences are in fact rubbish – which they are.

So instead I’m going to have a rant. I got zapped by a bus lane camera the other day. No I’m not going to dispute that I used the bus lane – I did. What I am going to whinge about is being slapped with a £50 fine just for using 50 metres of Ken’s sacred red tarmac. Why did I use it? Well I was turning left and didn’t want to sit in the rush hour traffic in Wandsworth for any longer than I had to. And I had to pay a quid a metre for the privilege. Let’s put that in perspective – you complain about the cost of the entry fee for sprint at Lydden but that’s positively bargain bin stuff at 75 metres to the pound. Who said motorsport is expensive – they might have a point – but it’s cheaper than driving to work through Wandsworth.

The government seem intent on stopping the population moving, cars are being priced off the road, the railways are a mystery tour with no guarantee that you’ll get where you actually wanted to go and buses? Well they are only useful at night in Trafalgar square.

Will I pay the fine? Well I have to don’t I. However I might not have to worry about it much longer – work are moving offices to a site next to the river Thames. Handy that – I’m going to buy a speedboat – no traffic, no road tax, no speed cameras – huge fun. Imagine stepping into the office after driving your boat in, you’d never ever complain about an hour and a half journey into work again. And can you imagine making a bad boy boat – bling it to death!

So just how are the Stig-mobiles coming along? I’ll start with the Vee.

Huge transformation over the last few weeks, a quick check showed the chassis was bent and twisted quite badly so a bit of work was required to set it straight. This has now been done and the chassis is almost perfect (no more than 1mm out anywhere). Some new bodywork was required and a stroke of luck came when Alan Harding at AHS found the original mould – so a bit of work later and new front section was complete and looking stunning in metallic blue. Next step was looking expensive, until Allan Sayers came to the rescue (this bit is what Motor clubs are really all about). He let me know about a friend of his who had an old mid 80’s Vee. It was on its way to the scrap heap and asked if I wanted anything off it. I went round to have a look and what I found was a near complete 1965 Beach. It was the ex Bob Smart car known as BEBOP. I looked it over and the wealth of parts it had with it and decided that I’d take the lot. Now I needed to get the car and bits from Beckenham to Junction 21 of the M1 where the AHS workshop is.

So Daren Hall helped out with his V8 and trailer – huge thanks must go to Daren for that. The journey was quite eventful and involved at one point running against the flow of traffic up the M25 to retrieve a rather hot lump of Daren’s exhaust (not recommended!)

From the Beach I’ve managed to salvage the engine block and bottom end, cylinder heads, carbs, dials, front axle, front suspension, hubs, electronic ignition system, a drive shaft and an assortment of useful bits and bobs. The chassis itself is mint having been sat untouched in a garage since 1986. As an interesting footnote, the BEPOB was badly damaged in a shunt at Brands Hatch at some point in the eighties after it made contact at full speed with…. you’ve got it….a 1968 Austro Porsche. I now have both cars involved in that shunt, one car built in 1965ish in Clearlake, Florida and the other built by Porsche in Salzburg in 1968. The cars were both raced extensively over 30 odd years so I’m sure they both have a fantastic history. If anyone wants an historic race car give me a shout as I’ve got a spare one…

I’ve had to get some new bits for the Austro, pistons came from the USA, rear shocks from AVO, (who did me a great deal on a lovely pair of polished ally bodied ones) and AHS supplied a gearbox. These bits cost a fair wedge but it is worth it as I’m hoping that the car will be ready in time for Brands Hatch on 27^th June.