'Acorn-y' Joke Page
 
ACHIEVING 103%

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. Here's to achieving 103%. Here's a little maths that might prove helpful in the future!

What makes life 100%??

IF,

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

T U  V  W  X  Y  Z

20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only


K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

However,

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

 

Sven-Goran Eriksson is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached the £1 million question.

Chris Tarrant says, "Right Sven, this is for £1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. "Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Set? Is it - a) a badger b) a ferret c) a mole or d) a cuckoo?"

Sven ponders for a while and says, "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50."

"Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. 'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers."

Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says, "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend."

So who are you going to call, Sven?" says Chris.

"Hmmm, I think I'll call David Beckham."

So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire. I’ve got Sven-Goran Eriksson here, and with your help he could win £1million. The next voice you hear will be Sven's."

"Hello David" says Sven. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?"

"It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation.

"You sure, son?" says Sven.

"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely."

"Right, Chris," says Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger.

"Final answer, Sven?"

"Final answer, Chris."

"That's the correct answer. You've won £1 million!"

Cue wild celebrations.

Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across.

"Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the heck did you know that a badger lives in a set?"

"Oh I didn't, boss..." replies Beckham, “….but everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"