TWO WHEELS ARE BETTER THAN FOUR??

A piece of motorway and piece of dual carriage way are enjoying a drink in the pub. In walks a piece of red tarmac. The motorway whispers to the carriageway "Come on lets drink up and go before the trouble starts; He's a cycle path!"

Did You hear the one about the cyclist who didn't know he had diarrhoea until he removed his bike clips!

An English cyclist, a Scottish cyclist and a Jewish cyclist went for a meal. When the waiter appeared with the bill, the Jewish cyclist said "I’ll pay": The headlines the following day read "Scottish ventriloquist found dead in ditch"

I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. The woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at me: "PIG! PIG!!". I flipped her the finger and shouted back "BITCH! COW!!". Then I collided with the pig!

Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's two tyred!

Mary had a bicycle
She rode it on the grass
Every time the wheel went round
A spoke went up her .... !

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Did you hear about the cyclist who used viagra eye drops? They made him look hard!
I like cycling because: "it keeps me off the street"

"Where's your bicycle Vicar" I said, (because it was the first time I had seen him walking in 10 years!). "Don't know, I think it might have been stolen, but I will get it back on Sunday" he replied. "At my next sermon I will go through the ten commandments. When I get to 'thou shalt not steal' God will sort it out, I've got faith"
The following week, sure enough he was riding the bike again. So I asked him if the ten commandments thing had worked as planned: "I got as far as thou shall not commit adultery.......then I suddenly remembered where I left the bike.."