Life from the Gravel Trap: Muttering Nude

Kitty Litter - Boy Racer Bits

Part of my new job involves reading the motoring press, this happens to include Max Power. So I’ve decided to compile a top ten of the most ridiculous modification bits that you can buy. How much and where from, I don’t think I need to comment on what I think! But remember these mods are essential for that authentic ‘competition car look’.

1. Blitz super sound dual valve dump valve
“Blitz are the only manufacturers to include two different types of trumpets with your kit, so you can change the sound your dump valve makes.
From £293.75 – Redline motorsport

2. Richbrook dip stick wipes
Alloy dipstick cleaners.
From £2.95 – Demon Tweeks

3. Dummy NOS bottle
Dummy laughing gas bottle and system, empty and unfillable, but complete with pressure gauge and dummy pipes.
Circa £90

4. Carzone body styling
The essential body kits are made by wings west and car zone, most common cars are catered for, from the lowly Vauxhall Nova to somewhat bizarrely modern SAAB’s and Beemers.
Kits start at around £550 – Demon Tweeks

5. Competition mesh
No modified car should be without this plastic chicken wire stuff, apparently used on the majority of rally and race cars. Hmmm.
From £12.85 – Demon Tweeks

6. Carbon look design film
Carbon look film to make your car look like a real competition car – so that’s where Chris F-G and Neil Armstrong have been going wrong!
From £60.05 – Demon Tweeks

7. Delta 1 roof air scoop
This roof mounted air scoop increases the ram air pressure and will increase your Nova’s standard power to a whopping 200BHP!! The air scoop is mounted on the roof above the driver, and feeds air directly to ummm….
£60- Carlton Autos

8. Shark fin
Not entirely sure what this is used for
From £9.95 – Demon Tweeks

9. Single wiper kit
Essential
From £96.35

10. Clear taillight clusters.
Why?
From £152.76

11. Flash R custom indicators
Complete with S.P.L.I.F!!! actually, but these cost the money that will keep a club competitor, competing in the MM.
From £19.95

Spooning It  - A darker shade of driver

For once I actually have a fairly valid point, and intend to do something about it. It’s all well and good slagging off Elddis Typhoons and insulting Volvo drivers. There is only so much mileage in banging Lithuanians and eventually I should say something a bit more serious. And here it is I hope – a subject close to my heart – for obvious reasons.
There are probably around 60,000 competitors and people involved in running events in the UK, maybe more. How many of them are Black or Asian? Very, very few. Why is that?
There has never been a black grand prix driver or world rally star, some say that is because black people are not interested in motorsport or that they can’t afford it.
I think that the latter is something that may have been the case in the 1950’s when the Windrush first landed, but today black people in Britain are equal and there is a black middle class. This is not a small group either, 10% of England’s population are members of some ethnic minority or other, with plenty of them having the resources to take part in our great sport, but they don’t so perhaps it is the former choice.
Not interested. This is because black people on the whole are simply not interested in motorsport. I do not believe this lack of interest has anything to do with the culture or the black community at all, it’s not a racist thing either. Club level motorsport is essentially a friendly place, with acceptance of just about anyone as long as they have a passion for competition motorsport.
I believe the lack of black competitors is down to a problem that has dogged motorsport for many years, a certain complacency. There are not enough young people coming into motorsport, whatever their colour – fact. Many people in motorsport are quietly concerned about the sport’s long-term future. There clearly should be many more black competitors; there clearly should be more competitors.
I was working with a work experience girl at Motorsport News last week and she was amazed by how large and established motorsport was. The general public knows about F1 (and how dull it is) and increasingly WRC but very few know that club sport even exists.
In Britain we don’t seem to make the effort to make our event high profile, and I believe that this is the reason for the rise in Max power car culture. These youngsters clearly love their cars and want to do motorsport, but they don’t know the first thing about it.
Why is it that we hide our events away and don’t publicise the sport. By the way I’m not talking about our club as we do push motorsport well – but could still do better, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
The MSA seemingly make no effort to push the sport outside of the existing motorsports community. This year I hope to push our sport harder than ever before locally and wider, trying new things all the time, I’m hoping that you will all see more media and more new faces at events throughout the year.  I hope the whole club and motorsport in general will be getting a higher profile in south east London and North Kent. If we are successful as a club in making motorsport more accessible and something that anyone can get involved in then I will push for more clubs to follow our lead.
A new initiative I’m involved in, that was reported in Motorsport News, to encourage more diversity in our sport has already created some very exiting possibilities, with support from some very significant organisations.
I have a dream (someone said that before me I think!) to see in 2004 a new event running to promote our sport to the people of London and North Kent, we as a club are placed ideally for this task.
I would love to see this new event to take place on the May bank holiday weekend, with a three day programme of motorised sport, a Carnival of motorsport, as appealing to spectators as it is to competitors.
The Saturday of the event would be the ‘youth day’ with an arrive and drive karting event (not necessarily a race) run for teenagers with no motorsport background selected from schools in Lewisham, Southwark, Lambeth and Bromley. During this event there would be demonstrations of ‘big cars’ from all disciplines as well as club and motorsport industry stands throughout the weekend.
Sunday would be a day given over to the clubman, being a round of the local championships, possibly club lights and the focus would be very much on the clubman competitor. Finally the bank holiday Monday would bring the starry cars and the stars themselves. A classic day for spectators to see some great cars driven well, the best two competitors from the two preceding days would also be in action.

Why are motor manufacturers sending me pencils?

Stig of the Dump